truth in advertising

Desparate online personal ad (if the truth was told)

My name is Mary, I'm 32 years old and I am an elementary school teacher. I went to school to be a chemist and when I was working on my Master's thesis I blew one of my professors because he said he'd hook me up, but then his wife found out and I left before the end of the semester. I am very clingy, and I do put out on the first date. I think my ideal date would be dinner at my house. Well, when I say my house, I mean my basement sublet. I call it a studio, but seriously, it's like 300 square feet, and my 3 cats pretty much rulw the roost. So anyway, dinner. I'm a great cook. Of course, there's always cat hair in everything, but they're white, so you know, you can pick them out. So while we have dinner I'll get you tipsy on Franzia wine and then we can move down to the rug and make out for a while. The kitties get a little jealous because we don't get too many visitors, but I'll just corral them intot he bathroom and turn the music up to drown out the wailing cat noises. Did I mention they're all female and in heat? Isn't that adorable? You do like Yanni right? I want you to make sweet passionate love to my ass and mouth and then right when you feel it building up inside, I'm going to start crying, not because i was abused or anything, just that I'm selfish and insecure and the attention has to be on me. I'd love it if you'd stay the night. I know you have to get back home, but I love you now, and you're my boyfriend. Oh, and I love to dance.