an afterthought

I wouldn't be who I am today were it not for my experiences. I'm definitely the sum of my parts. And thankfully I've found loving, positive people and relationships who have been my "therapists" and I theirs. The bonds I share with my dad and sister and my best friend and boyfriend are the reasons behind my breaking the cycle of toxic relationships and people. There are plenty of people who have had life deal them a much shittier deck than me, and I'm thankful that I'm okay. ::smile::

Bob

I'm bent for finding this amusing
My mother's boyfriend(?) ::wretch:: Bob died on Saturday. Apparently he's had a few heart attacks and strokes over the past year and the last one got him good. I told my dad and aunt (her sister) that I think he asked the nurse to do him in so he wouldn't have to go back. He was in his 70's. My mom is 50. They've lived together for 13 years I think. She had to get the fuck away from us. I guess two trips to rehab wasn't far enough, so she decided to shack up with Bob. Bob lived 3 blocks away. Classy. My dad never divorced her because she has some degenerative disk thing and has to get surgery all the time. I'm pretty sure she'll keep on for a whiel though, as I've heard pain killers and vodka preserve your organs better than formaldehyde. So all this time she and Bob have been yucking it up and my dad chose not to divorce her so she could have his medical coverage. So Bob kicked it. I wouldn't have known this happened if Hurricane Dennis hadn't visited. My aunt and uncle live on the central Gulf Coast of Florida so I emailed her Sunday to see if they were okay. We hadn't spoken in 6 months because I didn' visit her at my uncle's house when she was up to visit because mother was supposed to be there. So she emails me back about Bob and we were ont he phone for a good 2 hours last night. My mother is an extremely unpleasant person. Apparently when her father died a few years ago, she took "her" money and put it in an account under ole boy's name so my dad couldn't use it on court for child support. And oh by the way, she led the hospital to believe she was Bob's wife so she could make decisions regarding DNR's, treatment, etc. What a doll. Um, oh yeah, he left her his house on Eastchester Bay and around $250K in insurance policies, allegedly. So then I hear she was at the funeral home last night or whenever and my other aunt is there and she tells her all this and asks her not to tell Jean (Florida) because she's cool with my dad and she doesn't want him to know. Just so ya's understand, everyone's cool with my dad. My mother's mother liked my dad better than her own daughter. i reassured her that she wouldn't have to tell him, because I was going to as soon as we finished our conversation. We spoke for a while longer and then I got my dad on the horn and pretty much commanded him to call his lawyer. He won't though, as he's a puss and pities her. He met her when they were 22 years old. She had a lovely infant daughter named Samantha who was about 6 months old. Eric knew Samantha's biological "father" as well, not that it mattered, as Neil's involvement with Dena's pregnancy consisted of him kindly suggesting she get an abortion or he was hitting the skids. So they married when Samantha was 3 or so and he went to the courthouse to let them know he was my father and could they correct my birth certificate. That's a Bronx adoption for you. Seven years later they made my doll of a sister. Seven years, 2 trips to rehab and alot of tears after that Elvis left the building. Soooo, i hope she got what she wanted. She's alone in a big house with some money. I bet my dad she wouldn't make it five years.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Drew Carey

-From Dirty Jokes and Beer, "101 Big Dick Jokes"

My dick is so big, there's still snow on it in the summertime.
My dick is so big, I went to The Viper Room and my dick got right in. I had to stand and argue with the doorman.
My dick is so big, I have to call it Mr. Dick in front of company.
My dick is so big, it won't return Spielberg's calls.
My dick is so big, it graduated a year ahead of me from high school.
My dick has an elevator and a lobby.
My dick has better credit than I do.
My dick is so big, clowns climb out of it when I cum.
My dick is so big, it was overthrown by a military coup. It's now known as the Democratic Republic of My Dick.
My dick is so big, it has casters.
My dick is so big, I'm already fucking a girl tomorrow.
My dick is so big, ships use it to find their way into the harbor.
My dick is so big, there was once a movie called Godzilla vs. My Dick.
My dick is so big, it lives next door.
My dick is so big, I entered it in a big-dick contest and it came in first, second, and third.
My dick is so big, it votes.
My dick is a better dresser than I am.
My dick is so big, it has a three-picture deal.
My dick is so big that the head of it has only seen my balls in pictures.
My dick is so big, Hank Aaron used it to hit his 750th home run.
My dick runs the 440 in 15 seconds
My dick is the Walrus, koo koo ka choo.
No matter where I go, my dick always gets there first.
My dick takes longer lunches than I do.
My dick contributed fifty thousand dollars to the Democratic National Committee.
My dick was once the ambassador to China.
My dick is so big, it's gone condo.
My dick hit .270 in the minors before it hurt its knee.
My dick was almost drafted by the Cleveland Browns, but Art Modell didn't want a bigger dick than him on the team.
My dick is so big, I use the Eiffel Tower as a French tickler.
It's so big, when it rains the head of my dick doesn't get wet.
My dick is so big, I could wear it as a tie if I wasn't so afraid of getting a hard-on and killing myself.
My dick is so big, I have to use an elastic zipper.
My dick is so big, it has feet.
My dick is so big, a homeless family lives underneath it.
My dick is so big, it takes four fat women and a team of Clydesdales to jack me off.
My dick is so big, my mother was in labor for three extra days.
My dick is so big, they use the bullet train to test my condoms.
My dick is so big, it has investors.
My dick is so big, it seats six.
My dick is so big, I use a hula hoop as a cock ring.
My dick is so big, we use it at parties as a limbo pole.
My dick is so big, King Kong is going to crawl up it in the next remake.
My dick is so big, it has an opening act.
My dick is so big I can fuck an elevator shaft.
My dick is so big, it has its own Wheaties box.
My dick is so big, I have to cook it breakfast in the mornings.
My dick is so big, the city had to carve a hole in the middle of it so cars could get through.
My dick is so big, every time I get hard I cause a solar eclipse.
My dick is so big, it only plays arenas.
If you cut my dick in two, you can tell how old I am.
My dick was once set on fire for a Dino DiLaurentis movie.
My dick is so big, it needs an airplane warning light.
My dick is so big, Trump owns it.
My dick is so big that we're all a part of it, and it's all a part of us.
My dick is so big, I can never sit in the front row.
My dick is so big, that it has its own dick. And even my dick's dick is bigger than your dick.
My dick is so big, you can't blow me without a ladder.
My dick is so big, it only does one show a night.
My dick is so big, you can ski down it.
My dick is so big, it has an elbow.
My dick is so big, I have to check it as luggage when I fly.
My dick is so big, it has a personal trainer.
My dick is so big, that right now it's in the other room fixing us drinks.
My dick is so big, it has a retractable dome.
My dick is so big, it has stairs up the center like the Statue of Liberty.
My dick is so big, there's a sneaker named "Air My Dick"
My dick is so big, I'm it's bitch.
My dick is so big, it's against the law to fuck me without protective headgear.
My dick is so big, I could fuck a tuba.
My dick is so big, Stephen Hawking has a theory about it.
My dick is so big, it has its own gravity.
NASA once launched a space probe to search for the tip of my dick.
My dick is so big, it's impossible to see all of it without a satellite.
The inside of my dick contains billions and billions of stars.
My dick is so big, it has a spine.
My dick is so big, it has a basement.
My dick is so big, movie theaters now serve popcorn in small, medium, large, and My Dick.
My dick is more muscular than I am.
My dick is so big it has cable.
My dick is so big, it violates seventeen zoning laws.
My dick is so big, it has its own page in the Sierra Club calendar.
My dick is so big, it has a fifty-yard line.
My dick is so big, I was once in Ohio and got a blow job in Tennessee.
My dick is so big, Las Vegas casinos fly it into town for free.
My dick is so big, I can braid it.
My dick is so big, that when it's Eastern Standard Time at the tip, it's Central Mountain Time at my balls.
My dick is so big, I painted the foreskin red, white, and blue and used it as a flag.
My dick is so big, I can sit on it.
My dick is so big, it can chew gum.
My dick is so big, it only tips with hundreds.
My dick is so big, the Carnegie Deli named a sandwich after it. Actually, two sandwiches.
My dick is so big, the city was going to build a statue of it but they ran out of cement.
My dick is so big, Michael Jackson wants to build an amusement park on it.
My dick is so big, when I get hard my eyebrows get pulled down to my neck.
My dick is so big, you're standing on it.
My dick is so big, it only comes into work when it feels like it.
My dick is so big, it plays golf with the president.
My dick is so big, it charges money for its autograph.
My dick is so big, it has an agent. My dick's people will call your people. Let's have lunch with my dick.
My dick is so big, it's right behind you.