And now, for something completely different...

Monty Python, anyone?

I fucking hate my job.

I want to tell you a story that has nothing to do with either of the first 2 lines.
I was reading Harley Writer's blog a moment ago and it reminded me of a glaring aspect of Samantha. I am reaeaeaeaelllllyyyy narcoleptic. Not funny, Deuce Bigelow bowling bullshit, rather swerving across the New Jersey Turnpike, "Holy Fuck" narcoleptic. I haven't been
" "diagnosed" " (rock quotes-Dane Cook), but believe me scouts, I'm fucking narcoleptic.

Top Ten

10. Sitting at a red light with both feet on the brake
9. Sitting at said red light and rear-ending an ugly Hummer
8. During mediocre sex a long time ago
7. On the listening end of a conversation
6. Standing up during a class
5. On the speaking end of a conversation
4. While eating
3. During many movies
2. Leaning against a wall
--------------------------

And the number 1 is

Crossing a street.

So I try to sleep according to my body's needs, but that varies from 3 to 10 hours any given night. Good times. Did you know Methylphenidate (Ritalin!) is a treatment for freaks who fall asleep? Did you also know it turns you into Lizzy Borden? None of that shit, thank you very much. One fucking genius physician told me to "drink more coffee". No fuckin-shit chief. I can tell you a dozen different locations in the Tri-State Area where I've slept in my car. I've had at least three people knock on my window and proceed to tell me they had wonderd if I was dead. Ah the eternal optimist. "Tap on the window. Look at her mouth hanging open. I think she's been murdered." Apparently, shithead, you didn't see the drool.

Oh my this is just hideous

http://www.uglydress.com

My men

Guess which is Bear the Stupendous and Mike the Awesome.

No comment.

I have a uniquely round head. 

html challenged

What do you think of my colors? The 70's shag rug theme wasn't quite my stee-lo, know what I'm sayin', dog?

Pretty muted blues and grays, calm and peaceful, much like myself...

...maybe not so much.

I'm a bit of an over thinker. My extraordinarily intelligent father says I'm clumsy because I'm always thinking two steps ahead of my feet, and I think that can be applied to my entire life. I'm very frenetic, overcritical of myself and others, and I'm always talking. It's really quite a phenomenon. If I wasn't so damn vivacious and sparkley, it would be irritating.

Please giggle at this website just a little

http://uglyweddingdress.net

Other than that, I got nothing.

Disgust Abhor Aversion Dislike Displeasure Distaste Disgust

What is "How Samantha feels when she wakes up for work, Alex"?

Blech.

I have 282 days left until I can breathe slightly easier. I am going to take an oathe of not signing contractual employment agreements unless it's a really really good deal. Argh.

Happy F-ing New Year

I wanted to make a post about resolutions, but that's pretty dumb. I want to make a few, but I know there's absolutely no point.

"Don't take criticism so personally."
--Well I know that's one's down the tubes. If you know me beyond webspace, you'd already know I'm an overemotional jackass when I get upset.
"Lose x-amount pounds."
--Please. If it's going to happen, it will, end of story.
When I think of more, I'll be back. Off to the coal mines.