What I did at work today

Monmouth Message News Brief- Chaplain Dies in Kuwait

I was tasked to be a part of the rifle team to honor the chaplain with three volleys of 7 and Taps. I've never been tasked with this before because it's normally left to males- a tradition that I hold no issue with, as it's always been an infantry type event. Anyway, I was honored and the eight of us practiced at length for the past two days to sound and look good.

I spend a lot of time here at my desk in my bedroom and at work contemplating current events and constructively criticizing our silly government, but taking part in these events reminds me of the love affair I had with the Army until recently. There's so much pride and tradition, and there are many of us who try to hold onto the romance way passed the deadline. If I could participate in funeral honors, color guards and flag details all the time I'd probably still be as naive about the real deal as I was 4 years ago. In the past two weeks 2 Sergeants Major have retired and our company had a change of command, so I've done a lot of standing still and handing bouquets to wives. I always enjoy the songs and honors. I'm a nostalgic old fart. I think I might be my grandpa reincarnated sometimes.

I'm having a very difficult time dedicating am emtry to the past ten years. It's hard to face demons, as well as the fact that I demand total candor in my blog unless it's intentional and there are certain parts of the story that don't coincide with "Sam" of now. I'm such a fucking coward.

**edit**
It's sad. It reminds me of running into an old boyfriend and trying to spark the flame and realizing that you're holding onto a ghost