no title today

I've observed in the later part of my three decades here, that I am fortunate to have experienced grief. Damn skippy.

Grief depression ecstasy indifference desolation bliss fury

The pivot points of my life are based on emotional breakthroughs. I lost one of my very best friends and went on a three year bender. I fell madly in love and temporarily lost my mind. I gave up control finally and quieted my mind. I often joke that people who don't experience loss, don't have conflicts, those are the ones in the clock tower with the pump-action. In that proud ignorance I held myself to an unrealistic and false level of enlightenment. I live at a heightened level of stress, praising myself for being so witty and cynical, so well informed, and all the while I haven't the slightest clue of true strife. Living every day like it's me against the idiots and I'm holding it all together and then I hit a speedbump. Now I have REAL LIFE RIGHT HERE IN MY FUCKING FACE. It's going to be alright, but I'm such an overreactor. I'm torturing Mike with so many irrational thoughts and anxiety, I'm annoying myself. I hate not being the boss of me.
On the hand, maybe I just need to refocus my lens. Hello world.