Enjoy it

Take some time out to do as little as possible. And listen to some music that makes you bop your head, like Beck. See ya's in a few, I need some sun. Oh, and I have more pics on Buzznet.
thesam I'm working on it.

I actually left the house on a weekday

I am a Sirius satellite radio subscriber. Love it. I was listening the other day and heard a promo for a new program. "Raw Dog Comedy", the harsher of the two comedy stations, was looking into a weekly live comedy show in studio and wanted a test audience. I signed up knowing I'd never get a phone call.
A Night of Stand-up
I got the call Monday evening from a nice corporate sounding gentleman who asked if I could make it Tuesday at 6pm with a guest and so began the Tuesday journey into Manhattan. I was especially excited because I'm not just a Stand-up comedy fan, but a huge fan of Jim Breuer, who happens to have his own show on Raw Dog. I've spoken to him a few times on the phone, not that we're pisans or anything, but I was enthusiastic nevertheless. I take the 90 minute train ride from the depths of Central Jersey and the boyfriend does the same from beautiful Nassau County, or "Up Island" as Buffy and Chad out in the hamptons would call it. After meeting up at Penn Station, speed walking 15 blocks, and going through security, we were presented with an outstanding show. I can't remember all the names, but they were really funny. One guy, Richard (I have no short term memory whatsoever) was hilarious. There were a few other comedians hanging around that I recognized and we got to bullshit with them for a few minutes. That wrapped up around 8pm, and we were famished, so we walked a few blocks up and ate at "Bar Americain", Bobbly Flay's new place. Now folks, understand that I am not a Manhattanite. I was/am a blue collar Catholic raised mutt Caucasian from the Bronx. I do love the "city", but below 14th street more often than mid-town. Not much for the "suits". Anyways, we were there, so fuck it. The food was fucking awesome. How's that for a review? We had a smattering of things and it was all outstanding. And I got to see the boyfriend during the week, so yay for me. Of course I didn't get home till 130am, but it'll be okay. I got my wakey-wake pills to keep me wide-eyed.

-Also, if you don't know about the world-wide revolution, go check it out . Now.

nothing like laughing

I'm so addicted to this site. I think it's hilarious. Catty? Yes, but hilarious.

"Fug is the New Pretty"

Sam, are you in there?

Totally blew the roof off last night and unloaded on the defenseless boyfriend. He's been working to make some extra dough lately, which I have no problem with. He worked late Friday, came home, changed and we ran out the door. We saw Lewis Black perform at the North Fork Theatre in Westbury. Good stuff. I'm a huge stand up fan and Lew is one of my favorites. It took me 3 hours to drive 60 miles which was also a blast. Anyway, after the show we grabbed a few beers. Saturday rolls around and he gets up at 7am and works until 6pm. Comes home, showers, and we proceed to go to dinner and a bar with some friends for a birthday. Home around 2am, he gets up again Sunday morning, works until 3 or so and comes home. The two of us with another couple, go to the Mexican restaurant down the street (his fav) and chow down. We also drank two carafes of Margarita. Get home, rabbit hump all over the house, and he promptly falls asleep. In restrospect it's actually amusing. At the time, however, I wasn't amused. I had spent the day doing laundry and tring to find other nice things to do for him, and when he got home he apologized for not being around too much. Totally cool though, because he's working. Apparently I got my feelings hurt when we finished "fooling around" and he fell asleep on me. I finished the laundry and tried to wake him up a few times to no avail. I was so annoyed that when he did get up 2 hours later to take his contacts out, I lit into him and immediately started crying. I wonder if I'm gettingm y period this week.

i totally annoyed myself

Hey blog-lovers, thank you for the support although I feel like a self-conscious attention hungry dope now. I love you guys. Me: "Wah, poor me, no one comments." Ew. Blech. But I do yearn for the interaction. Am I the only one who stares at the keyboard sometimes and thinks,"I can't think of a goddamned thing to say that's interesting."? That's dumb, but I do it all the time. "You like me, you really like me." Ew, but yay at the same time.

Ain't no one for to give you no pain...

There are these surreal days when I find myself in an altered mood. Not pensive or melancholy, not brimming with ecstasy. Calm, peaceful. An antidpressant haze without the pill. A still lake. A desert valley. And I'm afraid if I speak I'll startle myself.

On the first part of the journey
I was looking at all the life
There were plants and birds and rocks and things
There was sand and hills and rings
The first thing I met was a fly with a buzz
And the sky with no clouds
The heat was hot and the ground was dry
But the air was full of sound

I've been through the desert on a horse with no name
It felt good to be out of the rain
In the desert you can remember your name
'Cause there ain't no one for to give you no pain
La, la ...

After two days in the desert sun
My skin began to turn red
After three days in the desert fun
I was looking at a river bed
And the story it told of a river that flowed
Made me sad to think it was dead

You see I've been through the desert on a horse with no name
It felt good to be out of the rain
In the desert you can remember your name
'Cause there ain't no one for to give you no pain
La, la ...

After nine days I let the horse run free
'Cause the desert had turned to sea
There were plants and birds and rocks and things
there was sand and hills and rings
The ocean is a desert with it's life underground
And a perfect disguise above
Under the cities lies a heart made of ground
But the humans will give no love

You see I've been through the desert on a horse with no name
It felt good to be out of the rain
In the desert you can remember your name
'Cause there ain't no one for to give you no pain
La, la ...

le jour de pere

Saturday was a resounding success. When I get a hold of the footage, you will all be privy to the madness. Our father's got along great. All six of us got soused on a combo of Italian wine, beefeaters Gin and tonics, and Budlight. Dinner was awesome. We finished around 8 o'clock and we all decided to find something to do.
I'm a major fan of stand-up and we wanted something where we could drink more and hang so we went here . Talk about a fucking good time. Our dad's are very "New York City" so the comedian's ragged on them the entire time. Six comedians and a two drink minimum for $15. Not too shabby. When the evening came to a close, my dad and sister left for Grand Central to hop on their train to Outer Mongolia (Putnam County), and we ventured to Penn Station to catch ours . Of course, there were a few punk asses in our car who decided to provoke Mike and his dad, almost ending up in a tussle, but Mike's sis and I were having none of that and neither were the conductors, so crisis resolved. Good times.

I'm a Material Girl

I called shoes.com this morning and had the lovely customer service representative delete my order for these and a pair of Sauconys and Etnies so I could overnight the sandals. Ground shipping is free, but I have to have these by Saturday or the fabric of time will rip. I have managed to orchestrate a dinner for Father's Day with my dad, my sister, Mike's dad, and Mike's sister. Mike's mom died almost two years ago and my mom is not, shall we say, "with it". Anyway, we've been together a year this month (how gay am I) and our pops have not hung out. They're both humorous functional alcoholics who enjoy cigars so I decided that a meeting is overdue. We're going here for dinner because my dad and I always go here for every occasion we can justify with dinner and wine, and it's in the neighborhood where we all grew up, so I wanted to go to a different place. So I'm predictably becoming increasingly neurotic about the whole situation and I have to have those shoes.


On a separate matter, Cingular Wireless is a cleveland steamer loving, hypocritical whore-mongering soulless machine. More on that later.

You don't look a year past 210

Today is the Army and American flag's 230 birthday. Of course our high ranking officials were out in their dressy glory, and units cut cakes to "celebrate".

I participated in a ceremony as well. The Army flag has 175 battle streamers from the major actions we've participated in since the colonies. We go through this whole thing where we attach each group of streamers to the flag as the narrator summarizes each war or conflict and salute. When she got to WWII, a vet stood up and saluted as the clip was fastened. He remained standing for Korea and a few men joined him. Then Vietnam. A few stood up a few sat back down. Saluted. Grenada. Desert Storm. And last, Kosovo. Of course next year a few more will be added unfortunately. I wasn't expecting the older man to stand up and render courtesy. In the 95 degree heat I also wasn't expecting him to remain standing for the time he did. Very presumptuous of me. I teared up and let them stream down my face as I attached the Vietnam streamers. It always feels surreal to me to witness and take part in these events. All opinions and political feelings aside, It's humbling to be a part of something so much bigger than oneself. I'll miss it.
The U.S. Army Birthday and Flag Day

I like my cancer straight up (alt. title- sunscreen is for pussies)

Another goddamn sunburn. It was breezy and in the 70's at the car show. Right on the bay. After i threw up in a goodie bag because I'm a part-time lush and slept for an hour in the bed of Mike's truck we had a lovely day. That motherfucking sun was lurking behind some cheery cumulus clouds as I munched on french fries. Lo and behold, about 6 hours after we got home I burst into flames once again. This time I was wearing a tank-top so I got my shoulders real good. Nothing like wearing a starched uniform when it's 90 degrees and your skin is on fire. I thin kI need a gin and tonic so's I can get myself nice and dehydrated.

We're not going to Vegas?

I have very lucid dreams. The neurologist said this was common amongst broken-headed folk such as myself, but mine are fucking outrageous. I often dream of past events with a variety of alternate outcomes. I use to have a recurring dream that I was in high school with one class to go, but I was 27 years old. I'd wake up freaking out and then get annoyed for thinking it was real. My favorite dreams have cameos of old friends and family. The other people never have faces, but I always know who they are. I've been dreaming of my boyfriend's mother alot lately. She succumbed to cancer two years ago and I never met her, but I feel like I know her. I always wake from these smiling. And confused. On more than one occassion I've had to make a phone call and ask if an event actually occurred the way I'm recalling it. Early REM latency is the one aspect of Narcolepsy I actually enjoy. Who knew a neurological disorder could be so entertaining?

I got nuthin'

I'm hot and I feel like I can't think. I've spent this week cleaning my apartment. To actually accomplish that I need to leave the puter off so I don't lose 5 hours surfing. mike's working overtime tomorrow, so I'll probably take advantage of that and spin a yarn for you's guys while I relax in the splendor of central air conditioning. Until then, it's Friday and the sun is out. Take advantage.

spontaneous combustion

Less than one week ago the high was in the lower 60's. Today it was in the mid 90's. I have a 10th degree sunburn because my Nordic anscestry provides me with zero melanin and my profoundly heavy air conditioner is in the bed of my truck down stairs and across the street. Every window in the house is open and it feels like I'm at the DMV. Although, the lightning and thunder are very nice. And as unfortunate as the humidity level feels, it smells great. Nothing like living on the second floor with all the windows open, sitting in your underwear.

It's raining because the angels are crying

I'll miss her if she goes.

email from an old friend in iraq

He's a Kiowa (recon helicopter) crew chief in an AirCavalry Squadron

How are you Samantha? I sincerely hope you are fine. I am currently in Tall Afar. My unit finally settled down here after a whirlwind tour of the country. It looks like we are going to be here for the remainder of the tour. How are things in USAREC? You are still recruiting, correct? Rumor has it that you guys are having a hard time. Sorry.... bad joke. Well, I think it is fair to say that it is definitely not going to get any easier on recruiters any time soon. I am not going to tell you about my experiences or close encounters because at this point it just doesn't matter. But I will tell you this. If I were a cat I would have five lives left as you read this. I hope you find yourself in high spirits and great health. If I have never mentioned it before I truly wish you the best in all you do and I am proud of who you are. I know that you will never settle for less than that which reflects you. I know all this may sound weird but just bare with me. I'm just trying to get some things off my chest....just in case. Okay, enough of that. I have to fly so I'll write to you later -

Your offensive offendedness is offending me

Proposal to Change Hockey Team Name


Stop it. Please. My head hurts.

I like long weekends.

I hope you've had the opportunity to enjoy a few days off. The weather was wonderful. I watched softball, roller hockey, and played kickball. Talk to you tomorrow.

Vet Art

2004 National Veterans Creative Arts Festival

Can't Quite Get It Right

I have a friend, Harry*. Harry and I dated for a few months in 2002, but we realized that we were much better suited as friends and have remained good friends since. He is a down right good human being. Honest, sincere, and very simple.
He's very good with money, but not so much with women. Twice divorced, all he's ever wanted was a wife and child that he could love and take care of. His first wife was a young love, and after a couple years they parted ways amicably. Just wasn't in the cards. Harry joined the Army, flew to Saudi Arabia for 8 months and served his country proudly.
When Harry returned to Puerto Rico, he met Jane. Jane was beautiful, intelligent, and had a young boy who needed a dad. Harry fell in love with both of them as they were exactly what he was looking for, and because he knew his squiggly little epididymides (I checked- that's definitely the plural) had quite a hard time getting the boys to the egg. Harry and Jane dated and married within a few months. At this point Harry had decided to stay in the Army to give his family a better life. In doing this, he re-enlisted to go to Germany, which rocks, because he had always wanted to be stationed there, and now he could share this experience with Jane and baby. Sadly, Jane had other ideas. Jane-baby-daddy was not as absent as Harry was led to believe. In fact, Jane and Papa were in the midst of a custody battle. Jane would have lost custody because she had no job and wasn't a stable provider, but now she was married to a soldier! The day after the judge awarded custody was the last time Harry saw her. It was also the last time Harry saw half his bank account.
.....

Fast-forward 7 years to Alabama, September 2004. Harry, happily teaching at the ammunition school, meets Mary, a nurse from Tennessee. Mary is amazing, Mary is perfect, Mary HAS A 4 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER. Mary is divorced. Harry called me around Christmas to tell me how happy he was and that he was thinking of asking Mary to marry him, as he was going back to Germany in June 2005. I advised Harry that I was not the expert, but I would at least wait until after the holiday to avoid holiday relationship meltdown. I never discouraged him. I told him that I didn't think 3 months was long enough to gauge the next 50 years, but again, I am not Harry. Of course, true to form, he was married cubed by the middle of January. Marital bliss became Utopia in April when harry found out Operation Conception was a resounding success! Could this be it? When I congratulated him, I knew he had done it this time.


To recap, Harry and Mary wed in January. Harry, Mary and daughter were due to fly to Germany mid July. Harry was required to attend a school in Florida from May through the second week of June. While Harry was in Florida, an old friend from Germany happened to be in Miami. They had lunch. When I say that Harry is an upstanding person, I am not exaggerating. Helps old ladies across the street and everything. They had lunch. Anyway, a week after the lunch visit, Mary turns around and accuses Harry of cheating. She also proceeds to tell him that she's going to get an abortion and she signed papers promising her ex-husband that she wouldn't move out of a 100 mile radius until their daughter turns 18. Refer to the previous paragraph to realize how utterly fucked that is. She also wants Harry to allot money to her because she is married to him and he needs to support her.

This is the phone call I received.

Harry's decided to file for divorce and will allot her money if she will keep the baby. He said he's going to try to get custody once the baby is born.